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Usually it is important to paraphrase and use your own words
in verbalizing your understanding of the message. Parroting
back the words verbatim is annoying and does not ensure
accurate understanding of the message. |
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Depending on the purpose of the interaction and your
understanding of what is relevant, you could reflect back
the other persons:
Account of the facts.
Thoughts and beliefs.
Feelings and emotions.
Wants, needs or motivation.
Hopes and expectations.
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Don’t respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the
feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary or
surface meaning of the words or code used by the sender is
not the message.
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Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer questions. The
code may be in the form of a question. Sometimes people ask
questions when they really want to express themselves and
are not open to hearing an answer.
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Know when to quit using active listening. Once you
accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be
appropriate to respond with your own message. Don’t use
active listening to hide and avoid revealing your own
position.
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If you are confused and know you do not understand, either
tell the person you don’t understand and ask him/her to say
it another way, or use your best guess. If you are
incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely
attempt to correct your misunderstanding.
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Active listening is a very effective first response when the
other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings
toward you, especially in relationships that are important
to you.
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Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid
looking at your watch or at other people or activities
around the room. Face and lean toward the speaker and nod
your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing
your arms and appearing closed or critical.
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Be empathic and nonjudgmental. You can be accepting and
respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs
without invalidating or giving up your own position, or
without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their
view. |
